On and on

So I was waiting outside Cup O' Joes for Ryan (I still had a cup from my favorite deli, Katzy's), two sparrows were attacking each other. I've been witness to all sorts of animal violence before, but something struck me about these two bitty little birds chomping down on each other, duking it out on the sidewalk in front of the Book Loft. Of course, I wanted to etch in an entire backstory for the tusslers--complete with generations of abuse and sibling rivalry, a few cracked eggs due to...I don't know what because what it comes down to is they're birds and thus are instinctual and it doesn't really matter what they were fighting over because at some point it just becomes fighting for fighting's sake.
I know that those who have this natural fury have to struggle with its aftermath. But in so many ways I envy those who scrap, who feel something so much it can only be released through a torrent of action. I've always been so level-headed, so hands folded neatly in lap about any disturbance that I often feel I haven't lived fully. I think this is why I do derby. And I think this is why I'm always trying to instigate 'wrasslin'' with my pacifist husband (when I do engage him, it's over in a matter of seconds, he could crack me like a pinata). I spend so much time in my head finding rational explanations and approaching situations with plans of action instead of fists of fury that sometimes it feels good to just get knocked down, to not have time to use anything but instinct. I spent my entire childhood with a peace sign carved into my hand, playing mediator to everyone and flinching at the smallest act of violence. But now, as when I see two birds pecking at each other or even a derby girl get a little too worked up, I watch with curiosity and respect for a drive I probably will never know.

I cannot wait to move out of our temp housing. It's very nice with many amenities Free coffee! 24-hr gym! but as we live in OSU territory, there are several students/new grads living here. I never had the dorm experience, I never really wanted the dorm experience, and if I have to see/hear one more group doting over their a shot away from alcohol-poisoning friend, I might just disprove the above paragraph. Especially if it's at three in the morning. Learn how to hold your liquor and learn how to walk away from a bar on your own two feet. I lived behind a bar for a year in St. Louis (near a University too) and I have never seen so many people so limp with drink. The end. Tossing out the soapbox now.