Reflection

Last year I wrote out my future for this past year. In most ways it accurate, except for the inevitable devolution into fantasy and insanity. I thought I'd take a second before I try I to figure out where I will be imbibing this evening to reflect on the year in my typical neurotic way.
In so many ways my world has flipped. I live in a new city. I am surrounded by new people. I am still groggy and lazy and unsuccessful at my typical New Year's resolutions (lose weight! write books! get degree!), but I am also changed. That is I have been undergoing a change for the last year and a half, Ias I turn the corner on this new year embedded in my new life, I find that the hopeful young pup of yesteryear has disappeared from inside my breast. There used to be something that powered me: a kind of faith, a kind of mysticism that didn't really include God, but rather a romantic faith that the world held secret treasures. If I could only find the map I would at once feel at ease. But now that this ferociously burning light has tamped down into nothing but a few stray embers, I can feel roots growing up and tethering my legs to the earth. My folks-in-law refer to me in their X-mas letter as "ever the free spirit," which in their parlance means that I am peculiar, but to me seems another dead weight to carry. I might once have been free of the pressures and restrictions of normality, but I now feel lost within them. I understand now that the world works as it works, not as I imagine it should. But I don't know how to operate in it, nor do I know how to melt myself down into something that fits better. I know this is a ridiculous thing to post, so full of angst (Still! At 25!). And is the sort of thing that when read out loud sounds stupid and overdramatic. But it really is the way I feel. I feel as though I have to erase everything and start from scratch, or maybe I just have to get this monkey off my back. Or maybe I should just let the inevitable happen and slip so far back into my brain the rules of the outside air cease to matter.
No matter.
Hopefully champagne or whiskey or some other alcoholic brute will alleviate this meandering mind, and I can just slip into my electric skin and stay there.

How I Met Your Former Castmates

Ryan and I fell into a holiday/vacation coma last night and this morning. To entertain our overfed bodies and over-relatived minds we popped in 'How I Met Your Mother' a show we've both been meaning to watch since the previews showed Alyson Hannigan donning an eye patch (frankly the whole thing gives me an erection). It's light fare and sadly proscenium/laugh track sitcom style, but it does feature Ms. Hannigan, Jason Segel (from Freaks and F'ing Geeks), and Neil Patrick Harris ('Can't Buy Beer, Can Prescribe Drugs'). There's also two charming, if actory actors who round out the group of friends (a Jimmy Fallon-esque fella as the I in the title; and a pretty Canadian who despite her own merits I want desperately to be Jaye from 'Wonderfalls'). It's not GOOD, but it is good and funny and I feel like I can relate to this group of friends 1000% more than their nineties counterparts. But the bestest of all are the guest spots by the likes of Ms. Hannigan and Mr. Segel's former costars--I don't care what they're doing it's always nice to see Haverchuck, Wesley Windham Pryce (with his propesterous American accent, I know you're my countryman but I still refuse to believe it you stinkin' limey), Neil Schweiber, and Winifred Burkle. Also Marshmallow and Lillypad (the Segel and Hannigan characters) have some in common with this fried and stuffed couple, and Doogie's stinkin' hilarious in the best role on the show. It's easy, it's breezy, eat it up with a spoon.

Late and horribly framed, but here's me as a blonde.

Ack!

So I don't really post anymore, which disconcerts me. I think it's maybe because I have become the crankiest person alive, and in general I try to keep my bad blood to myself. So I apologize for lack of stark mad ravings or semi-fun photos. And the lack of roller derby updates. On that front I've got a huge bruise on my left inner thigh and a few spattered across my arms. In the freedom of the off season I've been going in as jammer, which is fun as hell but also means I get purdy thrashed.
I leave you with a recent work experience.
Man with jingle bells on his sweater: True or False, the library is closed tomorrow.
Me: We're closed, but a few of our larger branches are open.
MWJBOHS: True or False, is the library busy in the evening if I come back in a little while?
Me: Come back? We close at six on Saturdays.
MWJBOHS: What time is it now?
Me: Five.
MWJBOHS: Oh my. There are not enough hours in the day this time of year. I got up at seven and a haven't stopped until now.
Me: Sure. Sure.
MWJBOHS: It's just that I'm so busy being SANTA and all. It's the worst time of year for my computer to explode on me.
Me: Well, that can happen.

And also:

Co-worker: Have you ever watched that show NCIS, it's real quirky for that kind of show. There's this girl on there she's a Garth. You know she dresses in dark clothing.