Your perfume smells like a tampon

And it made me sick the whole flight home from Chapel Hill, you jerk with your crispy blonde hair and lime green suit. I'm sure you think you're chic what with your glorified flip flops and ankle bracelet, and the way you passed out on the tray table was just so adorable. I don't know what it is that causes you to stink so badly that you have to douse yourself in perfume manufactured by Playtex, but the fact that I fell into fantasies of smashing your head against the luggage compartment repeatedly so I could enjoy the scent of fresh blood instead of ingesting one more whiff of your rotten rose stink (even if it meant they had to land the plane in Virginia, subject me to multiple TSA cavity searches, and ground me permanently) reveals that your 'secret trick' may not be the appropriate choice to cover up your odor. I could go on, but I have to go puke now.